Rafe's (very late) Six month update!

so as I mentioned a couple of posts ago I have recently started a new, fitness based blog so this blog has sort of taken a back seat. However having checked my 'stats' I can see that some of you out there do still read my baby brain induced ramblings (thank you!) So I thought I would do a few more posts on here! Also this blog kind of doubles as a diary of Rafe and how he has grown, pregnancy...all that stuff, so I figure it might be nice for me to go back and re-read it when my son is a big, hairy teenager!





So Rafe is actually almost seven months old now, so although this will be his six month update I will just give a general update as to whats been going on in our lives. Firstly I will get the sensitive topic of sleep covered and out of the way. Basically we don't get any sleep! The four month sleep regression hit us HARD and never went away. I am up a minimum of three times during the night (that's a good night) and he usually wakes up in the morning before 6am aswell. Oh and he's a nightmare to put to bed at night too. How I am still alive and (barely) functioning I have no idea! We are going to be trying to put him into his own room soon in the hope that he will sleep better in there. Yes he still sleeps in our room, quite often in our bed (please don't lecture me...well unless you are a sleep advisor and then yes please lecture away!) I know co-sleeping is a controversial subject, I never thought that I would do it, but because I am still breastfeeding and I am seriously sleep deprived, if it gets him to sleep I will do it. Sometimes the lack of sleep does get me down I won't lie. As I mentioned in my earlier post (massive mum rant post!) I really think it contributes to low mood and anxiety. BUT this is the situation I am in and there's not much I can do about it but hope and pray it improves soon. I've spoken to a lot of mums and it sounds to me as if some babies just sleep better than others. Don't get me wrong I could probably be doing things better but women with multiple children have said that quite often one was really troublesome to get to sleep whereas the other was a dream. Oh and I have asked for advice from our health visitor (who was incredibly unhelpful!) and she just gave me a leaflet on controlled crying. We have tried this before and found it a crap method for Rafe but we thought we would give it another go after she basically told me she had to sleep in her sons rooms until he was nine and unless I did it I would likely be in the same situation. Anyway we did it for one evening. It ended in Rafe crying so much he was sick (and I didn't even leave for as long as it said, I just did five minutes max!) and me in hysterical tears. Safe to say we will not be doing that. Ever. Again.

Okay enough about sleep. Let's talk feeding. I am still breastfeeding, although Rafe now has two bottom teeth and yesterday HE BIT ME!! New baby teeth are like little razors and I am not going to lie, I swore! Not at him, just at the pain! I bought him a NUBY no spill sippy cup thing that he will except milk from so that's good. He will also eat some solids now. I first tried him on solids at five and a half months (after everyone and their dog insisted it would help him sleep...it hasn't). He wasn't ready at that point so I left it until six months and that's when he really started showing an interest in our food when we were eating. He's tried quite a lot of foods now, he loves fruit peaches, strawberries, pear, apple, melon, raspberries and apricots. I make my own baby food like steamed and pureed carrot, butternut squash and sweet potatoes. We also have a Munchin fresh food feeder (NUBY do one too) that is like a net on a handle that you can fill with fruit that the baby can sort of suck out without the risk of choking. Also helps with co-ordination.
Rafe has been a tad constipated since we started him on solids (even though he doesn't have baby rice) so I give him apricot puree and as recommended by the doctor 2.5ml or lactulose twice a day, morning and evening. Which he hates. But it seems to do the trick!

As I said he has two bottom teeth and he's still teething so I think he has some top ones on the way. I found Anbesol liquid to be the most helpful teething application. Along with the occasional dose of Calpol, although I try and keep Calpol to a minimum. The fresh food feeder frozer works as a good teether aswell.

Rafe can now roll over both ways and he can sit up! He can't sit himself up yet but if we get him sat up he can balance there by himself without needing support. We are always there or have cushions around him when he does this because he will occasionally topple over. He now sucks his toes and is a pro in his Jumperoo! He loves going for walks in our new Baby Bjorn carrier! It's probably my favourite piece of baby apparatus. It makes it so much easier to go for a walk in the forest or down the beach without having to worry about how well the buggy will cope with the different terrains. I LOVE baby wearing aswell and because Rafe is old enough to face outwards he really enjoys being able to see what is going on around him. He does fall asleep in it a fair bit (unbelievable...he can't fall asleep in his own comfy bed and yet the carrier whilst I am walking along is apparently ideal sleeping conditions for him!) must be the motion.

I don't know Rafes current weight and height because I don't get him weighed very regularly. Last time I went the health visitor weighed him and he had gone down (slightly) on his percentile line. She then turned to me and asked in and almost accusatory tone if I knew of any reason for this. Well seeing as I had been up about four times in the night feeding him I did not react well to the assumption that I am not feeding my child. I find it ridiculous that they can even compare the weight gain of formula fed babies with the weight gain of breastfed babies. There should be two separate growth charts in my opinion. I am not massively pro breastfeeding or anything, I am a firm believer in 'fed is best'. However having been encouraged by every doctor, midwife, health visitor and baby book that I have read to do it I do not then want to be made to fee like I am not doing a good job when I feed on demand (and offer additional feeds and solids in between) I'm up multiple times a night feeding and I am doing something that is actually pretty hard and restricting in order to try and do the very best for my child. When I asked said unhelpful health visitor (same one who recommended controlled crying) if there's anything I should do differently she offered no advice and just said to carry on as I was?! Anyway I will be including some pictures of Rafe in this post and he clearly is not underweight or malnourished in any way! In my opinion a babies weight is not an accurate way to determine how healthy they are (unless massively over or under weight obviously). Rafe is almost seven months old and has, so far (touch wood...so superstitious me) never had so much as a cold so clearly his immune system is doing well. Sorry rant over.

Few more bits to add, Rafe is really good at picking things up and playing with them and getting things (Sophie la giraffe) into his mouth so his co-ordination is developing well. He is such a smiley baby and will smile at everyone. He does belly laughs and chuckles, I've noticed he mainly laughs at Richard, apparently I am not that funny. He is full of energy and likes to have your full and undivided attention at all times. We took him to the swimming pool for the first time a couple of weeks ago and he seemed to enjoy it with no tears or fuss! I have never left Rafe for more than a few hours and even then he has only ever been left with Richard...more because of my separation anxiety than his I would just like to add. However I have an operation coming up, I should only be away from him for the day (6-8 hours I have been told) so we are at the moment in the process of getting him a pro at accepting milk from his sippy cup so Richard will be able to handle him while I am gone.

I think the greatest piece of advice I can offer any new mum (that I have learned from my almost seven months of motherhood) is to not compare yourself or your baby to anybody else. Everyone is different, every baby is different. Some sleep really well from 6 weeks of age some don't sleep until they are a year old. Some are walking from nine months, some are still bum shuffling. How fast your baby does things is not a reflection of you as a mum. Aslong as you are doing the very best you can then you can be sure you are doing a good job. I have personally found some of the 'professionals' ie health visitors and doctors to be the most unhelpful of all. Always follow your instincts as a mother and talk to as many mums with children as possible they can provide the most invaluable and supportive advice of all. I am not saying don't listen to health professionals but you know your baby best of all so don't be afraid to ask for a second opinions if you are not happy with the responses they give.

Jx


Follow Follow Pinterest

Using Lush henna hair due

Hello all! I am back with a more upbeat post...not (for once) about babies and motherhood but about beauty! Well hair colouring to be more specific. After having my son my appearance somewhat took a backseat in terms of priorities...especially my hair! It got so long it was almost bum length. All well and good except having a baby to look after meant long, mermaid hair wasn't exactly practical! It was also highlighted with blonde balayage highlights (which I loved and do miss a bit) and the maternity pay that I currently am on doesn't really cover having my hair professionally coloured reguarly, so I decided a change was in order!

Now I have zero patience. Once I get an idea in my head I want to to it right away. And I can't stop thinking about it until I do. So rather than getting my hair dyed uniform, natural brown at the salon I decided to go it alone and buy a box dye. I chose a Revlon coloursilk one in a warm light brown colour and enthusiastically wacked it on over my highlights. Well it turned bloody khaki didn't it?! It looked HORRENDOUS! Never, ever dye over blonde without first putting some pigment back into the hair or you are likely to be left with a rather unflattering shade of khaki/grey! So then in a panic (again should have contacted a hairdresser at this point) I covered over this with a bright red semi permanent dye. This turned out pretty well to be fair but it didn't take aswell to the previously khaki areas and I felt the colour was a little too dramatic on me. At this point I decided to book a consultation with the hairdresser for a colour correction. I turned up and enthusiastically showed her a photos of what I wanted (warm brown hair with caramel balayage, ombré highlights...basically what I had to start off with!) and after performing a strand test the hairdresser called and to my dismay revealed my hair was too damaged to take anymore colouring/bleaching. She advised me to try and fade the colour (I was already washing my hair three times a day with head and shoulders at this point!) and condition lots but mainly to leave it alone. Did I take this advice?! Did I hell!

I immediately went and purchased a box of regular use colour B4 determined to get rid of the bright red! This worked fairly well...I just had orange hair for a couple of days. I then got a Nice n' easy permanent dye in a warm light brown shade and went over the top which again turned out okay. But I still wasn't happy with the colour. The Nice n' Easy nearly choked me with the ammonia smell as I was applying it aswell, and I wanted to try a more natural approach (plus I was getting a bit worried my hair might fall out). I did a bit of research online and decided to purchase some auburn Surya henna powder. You add hot water to the powder, mix it to the consistency of melted chocolate and then apply it all over your hair. Henna needs heat to work so you need to apply something to your head to trap the heat in e.g. a shower cap (I clingfilmed my head, and then put a woolly hat over the top...attractive!) I left it on for two hours (two hours smelling like I had been smoking a joint) and then finally rinsed it off. Colour was a lot more even than the box dyes and my hair felt much healthier but I STILL wasn't happy with the colour. Too red yet again. So then I had a look on the Lush website and found their henna blocks. I chose one called 'caca brun' (apparently 'caca' means poop in Spanish...so yeah shade poop brown took my fancy!) I did more thorough research this time at before and after pictures of the results of caca brun and decided to give it a go. The great thing about henna is that it is GOOD for your hair and you can use it as many times as you like to build your desired colour without doing any damage. Lush offer other shades some more red and then the caca brun and caca noir which both contain indigo (another natural plant dye)  to make them darker. The blocks also contain other natural ingredients including cocoa butter which is super nourishing. I used the block in much the same way as the powder. I had to break it into chunks and then I dissolved it in hot water until it was the right consistency. I washed and dried my hair without conditioning it before using this (you are supposed to do this I was just too lazy the previous time!) then applied it in the same way as before but left it for 3 hours this time. Trust me three hours sitting with your head in clingfilm and a woolly hat in June is not idea but the results were so worth it! My hair is now a rich, chocolatey brown and I love it! It's still very reddish but not too 'in your face' red just a nice deep brown red. And it feels so strong and soft!

There are some downsides to henna, it's a long process. It's messy (my God is it messy) and the blocks take ages to rinse out thanks to the cocoa butter in them BUT it's so worth it! No damage to your hair, it actually conditions the hair, if you have kids you don't have to worry about them (or yourself) breathing in any chemicals because it's all natural. And the colour takes really well even to
damaged hair. After you have done the henna and rinsed and dried you need to wait around 24 hours to let it develop further and see the true results. My colour deepened in this time and looked even nicer. I think henna is always going to make the hair quite red so if you like ash colours then it might not be for you. It's probably wise to do a strand test before using it to see what the colour will look like and to determine how long to leave it in your hair for (there's no set time limit). I can't comment on how it would cover grey as I don't have any grey hair yet but I would assume they would just turn out lighter and maybe resemble highlights (again patch test to make sure!) If you have any henna based questions do let me know...I am no hair professional (CLEARLY) but I will do my best to answer them!

Jx Follow Follow Pinterest

I'm Back...sort of...

WARNING: Negative, ranting, struggling mother post coming up. Excessively happy, positive, naturals at motherhood this isn't for you.

I haven't written a post on this blog for so long now. The reason being that I've set up a new blog entirely, it's devoted to fitness and getting back in shape after having a baby. I felt that I had to blog about something I am truly passionate about...not that I am not passionate about motherhood, I am, I just adore fitness and I feel like this blog became more about babies than barbells or beauty. Stupid name anyway.

So what's new with me since I have been absent from Blogger? Well Rafe is now six months old, he has two bottom teeth, he has started eating some solids, we are still breastfeeding...oh and he still doesn't sleep. Sleep is an awful, horrible, horrendous, and soul destroying subject! The four month regression arrived...AND NEVER WENT AWAY!! The last time Rafe slept longer than a four hour stretch during the night was Easter weekend (where he did it two nights in a row...Easter miracle?!) and it hasn't happened since. He currently wakes up around every two hours during the night every night, and it is KILLING me. It's amazing how lack of sleep can affect your mood. I am struggling so much to maintain and upbeat "I'm loving motherhood, it's the best thing in the world" persona to everyone around me when all I want is a bottle of red wine and a good nights sleep. "Hasn't the time flown by?!" everyone said when Rafe hit six months last week. Well no actually. Time is not flying for me. Time is positively dragging it's feet and making me incredibly miserable.

I love my son. I love my son more than anything and everything in the entire world. I would die for him (dramatic much? But it's true) but I have found myself questioning on more than one occasion whether or not I am actually suited to motherhood and whether having children at all was the right decision. That's awful isn't it? And I know these thoughts are all stemming from the fact I have not slept for more than two (occasionally three) hours at a time in the last two months. I am totally and utterly convinced there must be a link between lack of sleep and depression. I feel anxious, overwhelmed and unconfident on a daily basis. Sometimes the thought of even going to the supermarket is too much for me. WHO AM I?! It sounds ridiculous, I know it sounds ridiculous but that's honestly how I feel. "It gets better" that's what I get told by every fucker and their dog. Okay then but WHEN?! When is it going to get better? When my child eventually goes off to uni?

Mine and Richards relationship has massively suffered since having our son. Rafe sleeps in our room STILL because I am not prepared to be getting up four times a night and going all the way to another room. Maybe that's the problem, I don't know. I'm clearly no baby expert. But anyway back to the point I was making, if anyone out there is thinking of having a baby to make their relationship stronger DON'T. Okay maybe you will be lucky and have a baby that sleeps through the night from eight weeks old. But there's always a possibility you won't, and that you will have a nightmare sleeper like ours and trust me only the strongest relationship will survive that. 

Do I have post partum depression? I don't think so but I am pretty unhappy. So many mummy blogs out there just talk about their lovely days out with their little cherubs (no doubt after a blissful nights sleep) I just wanted to give another side. It's not easy for everyone and I really think it depends on the baby. If you are one of the lucky ones whose baby sleeps through the night and you have a friend or fellow mummy at mother and baby group whose child doesn't sleep through don't gloat. Don't be a bitch. Tell a little fib and pretend your child doesn't sleep through either, because the chances are that poor woman is going to go home and cry.

Here's hoping my next post will be about how we have cracked it and our child is sleeping through...but I wouldn't hold your breath...and it may be in seventeen and a half years! Something that I am certain about is that Rafe will be an only child. I am a fully fledged member on the 'One and done' club and completely happy with that.

J

There are probably a lot of grammatical errors and spelling mistakes in this post, my apologies just needed a good rant!

Follow Follow Pinterest

Help...Rafe has started teething!

Just when the three month growth spurt and sleep regression ended and we started to get used to having a happier baby and (marginally) more sleep...BAM! Rafe starts teething. Now if Rafe is going to get teeth anything like mummies (large and a bit horsey...although the recent trend for having massive veneers has made them more acceptable...) then it's going to be a painful process.

Last Wednesday the hell began. Rafe cried for the entire day, he didn't take a nap longer than 20 minutes and left me on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Luckily daddy was day off (not so lucky for daddy) so we had some moral support, which basically someone to hold my screaming child while I went to the bathroom for a five minute cry.
On top of the screaming Rafe barely ate the entire day. He had one large feed in the morning then two smaller ones, the last being a 5:30pm. This completely stressed me out aswell seeing as he recently dropped a percentile and I was already concerned about his weight, plus I didn't want him to get dehydrated. We checked his temperature which was fine, but then in the evening he started trying to chomp anything and everything that went near his mouth. We finally twigged he must be teething (yeah we are a bit thick, first time parents) so Rick had a late night trip to Tesco to get some anbesol teething gel. I usually don't like to give Rafe Calpol too often but I did give him some that evening and then finally...after Anbesol application, Calpol, much swaying and mummies singing, he FINALLY went to sleep...at 10pm! You never quite understand the value of complete silence until you have been dealing with a screaming child all day!

He slept through until 4:30am and had a big feed (thank God) and then went back to sleep. By this point my boobs were in agony and I was starting to resemble Pamela Anderson from his lack of feeding so I was up and pumping in the lounge at 5am. The early start meant I managed to get a workout done and some (quiet) cleaning and then Rafe eventually woke up about 7am. When I changed his nappy I noticed his urine was dark (panick!) I checked his fontanelle and it wasn't sunken and he was pretty happy in himself but I still called the doctors when they opened, and got an appointment for half 10 that morning. 
In the meantime he fed fine and produced a normal wet nappy but I still wanted to get him checked out.
We saw the loveliest doctor who examined Rafe's eyes, ears, listened to his chest and looked in his mouth. He had said he didn't think Rafe would be teething this early (he was 15 weeks at the time) at the start of the appointment but after looking in his mouth he confirmed our suspicions that he is, and that also his throat was quite red indicating he had a little virus. 
He told me to continue using the Anbesol gel and calpol if necessary and just continue with what we had been doing.

I have now purchased a large amount of teething paraphernalia including; A Nuby teether that you can put in the freezer, a wooden teething ring, a Sophie the giraffe, of course the Anbesol gel, a amber anklet and as of today some Ashton and Parsons powders which are a herbal remedy that get pretty good reviews. I will be doing a post on which items I find most useful once we have tried them all out. Since Wednesday we have had good and bad days, sometimes his teeth don't really seem to bother him at all and other days there are a lot of tears. I think he seems more upset by them when he gets tired, but he is very difficult to get to go down for a nap at the moment.
Being a more consistant and regular blogger is something I aspire to be, but I am finding it a bit of a struggle. In the meantime if anybody has any advice on how to stay sane/manage to wash your hair/ shower while your baby is teething that would be much appreciated!

Jx
   Follow Follow Pinterest

My true feelings about breastfeeding

Unpopular confession coming up...I don't really enjoy breastfeeding anymore. There we go, I said it, fully prepared for any angry backlash!
I am aware that I sound massively ungrateful and that there are women out there that would love to be able to breastfeed but can't, and I do appreciate how fortunate I am to produce an amount of milk comparable to that of a small herd of Jersey cows. But it's been over three months now and, dare I say it...I kind of want my body back now.

I always planned to breastfeed. I am not one of those people who is adament that 'breast is best' or that everyone simply MUST breastfeed. I believe everybody is different and every baby is different and it's whatever works best for the individual be that formula or breastmilk. I did personally want to do it though and I do feel incredibly lucky and proud that I have managed to do so.
It definitely brought with it a good few advantages. In the very early days post birth breastfeeding really helped my uterus contracted back to it's normal size as well as providing a kick start to shifting the baby weight. Of course financially breastfeeding is much more economical, a one off purchase of nursing bras and a breastpump are going to work out cheaper than formula. 
 In regards to bonding though I don't think breastfeeding necessarily is better than bottle feeding. I don't think that if I had bottle fed Rafe we would have any less of a bond at all. 

I have recently started pumping so that Richard can do at least one of Rafe's feeds, I've left it until he's three months old to ensure that breastfeeding is very well established and to minimise the risk of nipple confusion. Pumping is going well in terms of the amount of milk I can get. I am using the Avent electric breastpump and an hour of pumping on both sides can get me 240ml. 
At the moment that 240ml of hard earned milk is getting tipped down the sink though as Rafe simply will not take a bottle. We are using the Avent bottles and teats and I've recently ordered some NUK ones as they get great reviews on Amazon so we will see if we have any more success with those when they arrive! We have also tried Richard feeding him and me being out of the room entirely to no avail. I mean I don't really blame his it's completely alien to him to have a large rubber teat stuffed in his mouth when he is hungry...but I can't wait until he learns to feed from the bottle and I can plan a night out with the girls!

I just feel that through the entire 40 weeks (and one day) of pregnancy my body was not my own, well it was but I was sharing it with precious cargo that was my responsibility to keep safe and bring into the world. You body goes through so many changes, pregnancy is for the most part beautiful, but by the end I felt enormous! I had a varicose vein, I couldn't move around as easily. I was miserable. Then you go through birth and the immediate aftermath is not pretty. I was on the newborn baby 'high' when I had Rafe, but I was also pretty low due some very painful stitches in my nether regions, no sleep at all and some seriously sore nipples. And when my milk came in on day three...OMG ouch! But I got through it and with some determination and large amounts of Lansinoh, we finally got the hang of breastfeeding and Rafe was putting on weight nicely.
I was very happy and I did feel a massive sense of achievement, BUT I was also incredibly tied down. I don't breastfeed openly in public places, I know you shouldn't be ashamed to feed your own child but I personally do not wish to do it in front of people. When you go out there is hardly ever any facilities where you can go for some privacy, and I would not feed my child in a public toilet for obvious reasons. Even my own doctors surgery don't have a chair in their baby changing room! I wasn't expecting a flash expensive, reclining nursing chair but even a plastic waiting room chair would have done. Nothing.
This means I feel very limited as to where I can take my baby and for how long we can be out of the house. I know there are breastfeeding groups but they just really do not appeal to me. Then at family events I am constantly up and down, going out of the room to feed. I cancel or avoid meeting up with people because quite frankly I don't want to end up sitting there with them with my boobs out.

Then theres the guilt. A couple of weeks ago Rafe got weighed and he had not gained as much weight as he should have, meaning he dropped a percentile. I know this wasn't my fault exactly he had gone off of his food after his 12 week vaccinations and I was still producing plenty of milk and feeding on demand. But I still felt enormously guilty and dissapointed. I felt like a failiure. When you are exclusively breastfeeding it's entirely your responsibilty to make sure your child is being fed and growing as they should, that's how I felt anyway. I've calmed down a bit about the situation now. Percentiles don't distinguish between formula fed and breastfed babies and you cannot really compare the two, because when it comes to weight gain formula fed babies will put on quicker than breastfed due to the nature of formula.

Then there's the fact my body still doesn't feel like mine. The varicose vein and baby weight may have gone but I am still wearing ugly nursing bras and breastpads. Putting up with engorged boobs every morning, stained tops and leaky nipples. It just doesn't make you feel very good about yourself if I'm honest. 
I am very ready to share some of the responsibility of feeds with Richard too. He currently works full time whilst I am on maternity leave so I don't mind doing the night feeds. But I do feel envious when he gets to go out with his friends whilst I am sat in front of the telly in my dressing gown on a Saturday night. I'd quite like to get dressed up and go out with my friends and just for an evening not feel like a milk machine!

If I could turn back time and do everything differently I would still choose to breastfeed. I am glad that Rafe is still benefitting from the antibodies in breastmilk. I would probably express sooner though so that I was able to get some freedom back and not feel like a lactating recluse most of the time! 
Breastfeeding is amazing and beautiful, but in my opinion it also 
restricts you. Maybe if society made breastfeeding in public more accepted and embraced it would be easier, although I personally feel that I would still feel uncomfortable. 

Jx Follow Follow Pinterest

Three Months post partum update

Going to keep this short as I am nowhere near as interesting or important as Rafe but I thought I would do a quick update on me three months post partum.

Firstly physically I am pretty much completely back to normal. My weight is now 124lbs so only one pound off what I was pre-pregnancy. The last few pounds has only dropped off very recently when I began focusing more on BOTH diet and exercise. Previously my emphasis had mainly been on working out, and although I was doing this around six days a week I was also indulging in a takeaway once a week and probably being a little to relaxed with my general eating habits. I found myself relying on breastfeeding to help me lose the baby weight but unfortunately although breastfeeding was an amazing help with the initial weight loss this soon plataued.
I've really cleaned up my diet now (except for the occasional dairy free ice cream treat) it's been tricky because I have had to find a balance between eating enough to still be able to produce breastmilk and allow my muscles to recover after workouts, but I also needed to be in a slight calorie deficit to lose the extra pounds I had left over. With a bit of trial and error I have now come up with an eating plan that seems to work well for me. I eat high protein nutritious meals and I also use vegan pea protein shakes post workout to ensure I am still able to build muscle whilst breastfeeding. 
I would say my shape has changed a bit since having Rafe, I am more 'boxy' and my waist is an inch bigger that it was pre-pregnancy. I have no problem with this because it just gives me a goal to work towards and it's still fairly early days.

I have started mixing up the sort of workouts that I am doing now aswell. I still workout around six days per week but only for between 25-45 minutes so it's pretty manageable to get done. I still do a lot of kettlebell training but I have recently starting doing resistance band work, weights and also kickboxing workouts either from DVD's or YouTube. I also compose my own workouts that combine all the different equipment that I use to target specific areas that need attention (predominantly abs and glutes!) 
I no longer have any interest in losing any more weight, I now workout in order to tone up my 'work in progress' areas and for the sake of my sanity!

Breastfeeding is still going strong! I am now using natural, washable bamboo breast pads which I can really recommend. They are a lot better for the environment and they work out cheaper in the long run. I solely breastfed without even expressing until Rafe was three months and I have now started pumping so that Richard can do some feeds and so that it is easier to go out. I have found that public places really lack the facilities for breastfeeding women to have some privacy to feed their babies. 
I haven't experienced any post partum hair loss yet, but I am definitely getting more breakouts now. I haven't yet had a period which I am very happy about, thank you breastfeeding! 

Mentally I have found things quite difficult recently. Especially the past week, what with the combination of the aftermath of Rafe's jabs then a growth spurt/sleep regression, it has been a struggle. I didn't realise how much a lack of sleep can effect your mood and ability to cope with things. I love being a mum and I feel so lucky that I can be at home with Rafe whilst he is so young, but at times it is very challenging. I have also found that becoming a stay at home mum has really effected how I feel about myself and my self esteem, for me it's as if I have lost my own identity a bit.
Trying to remain positive though because I know this won't last forever and I need to treasure every minute whilst Rafe is small, he will grow up so fast. I am also really lucky that I have some amazing, non-judgey friends who are also mummies, that I feel comfortable enough to talk to openly and honestly when things are getting tough. 
 
I have found there are lots of ups and downs when you are a mum, good days and horrendous days, positives and negatives, but overall it is the most rewarding experience and I wouldn't actually change things for the world.

Jx

  Follow Follow Pinterest

Rafe's 3 month update! 

It's been a seriously tough week! Rafe has definitely been going through the infamous three month growth spurt and it's been hard work. But never the less I have finally got a spare twenty minutes just me and my laptop so I thought I would do his three month update...a mere ten days late...sorry!

Firstly I will talk numbers...Rafe's measurements to be more specific. I got him weighed and measured on the 9th of March. He is 59cm long, his head circumference is 42cm and at that point he weighed 12lb 9. As I mentioned in my last post his weight was a bit of a concern as it had dropped after he lost his appetite post vaccinations. He has been back on track with his eating recently and although I am not going to be getting him weighed until next Thursday I know he has put on because I have weighed him on my scales with me. Not massively accurate but I know that he is now over 13lb. He still fits into some of his up to 3 months clothes but he mainly wears 3-6 months now...with the trouser legs rolled up because his legs are a bit short for them!

Sleeping has been quite frankly horrendous. HORRENDOUS! It's been like having a newborn baby again recently. Gone are the nights of six hour sleep stretches. At the start of the week he was waking up every 2-4 hours for feeds! I think this was due to a growth spurt because his appetite was ferocious during the day aswell and he was avoiding having daytime naps. Thankfully things have improved, only slightly mind you. He is currently sleeping 4 hour stretches again but the last two mornings he has woken at either 5 or half 5 and refused to go back to sleep! He is back to having a couple of naps in the day though and the early starts have allowed me to be more productive during the day. I am very glad that he has been eating well again, but this week has really tested me and more than once turned me into an emotional wreck!

Rafes likes include; Bathtime, he absolutely loves bathtime and splashing his feet, planning on taking him swimming soon because I think he will enjoy that aswell. He loves music, his Fisher Price rainforest playmat, and his Sophie the giraffe teether. He also still enjoys walks in his pram and drives in his carseat both of which seem to settle him when he's cranky.
He smiles LOADS now, especially at daddy when he comes home from work, we even get the occasional giggle from him. He likes to "talk" aswell, and when you speak to him he makes noises back. He's very good at reaching for things and grabbing hold of things like his burp cloth and mummy's hair. 
One thing Rafe was struggling with was tummy time. He just tended to faceplant the ground and scream. A friend recommended a tummy time support pillow and it's worked amazingly! He's turning into a tummy time pro! He can hold his head up by himself now, he is still a little bit wobbly with it though and I recently constructed his 'Jumperoo' but he's still a bit too small for it and he needs stronger head  control before he will be able to use it. Going to give it another go when he is around 4 months old.

Rafe does suffer with a bit of separation anxiety when he cannot see me or if I leave the room. This was making showering, cooking dinner, everything really, very difficult so I have remedied this problem by filling a washing basket with pillows and popping Rafe in it when I am in the kitchen etc so he can see me. This has worked a treat, obviously I do not leave him unattended in there and he doesn't sleep in there or anything but it allows me to get stuff done...one of the biggest challenges for every mum!
I don't think Rafe is teething yet. I thought that he was for a bit earlier in the week because he was very irritable and dribbling but I think that was more down to his growth spurt.

I am currently still exclusively breastfeeding Rafe. Ideally I want to continue with breastfeeding until he is six months old if my body allows me. I recently began expressing milk so that Richard can do some of his feeds...plus this mumma needs a night out with the girls...and I do not want to be breastfeeding when Rafe starts getting teeth! We attempted to give him his first feed out of a bottle last night and he was having none of it, even when I sneakily swapped my nipple for the bottle. We gave up in the end but we are going to keep trying until he gets the hang of it. I am using the Avent electric breastpump to express. I don't really have anything to compare it to but it seems to work very well and I can get about 240ml in about an hour.

Rafe still has some mild cradle cap which I am treating with coconut oil and scalp massages in the bath. It doesn't seem to bother him at all, just looks like he has dandruff sometimes. His hair is really falling out at the moment and seems to be growing back lighter. His eyes are still blue but he has patches and flecks of brown in them so we are still not sure what colour they are going to end up. Talking of eyes Rafe now produces real life tears when he cries, he's been doing it for a while now and it just makes me feel worse when he's upset.

We are planning on re-starting a sleep routine when Rafe is 4 months old. The previous one we attempted did not work, he was too young and we abandoned mission pretty quickly. His current routine is basically to be bathed at 7pm then feed until he falls asleep, which can be anywhere between half eight and 10pm. He tends to fall asleep whilst brestfeeding which is a habit we really need to get him out of so that we can put him to bed when he is drowsy rather than fully asleep and so that we can have a bit of time to ourselves in the evenings.
Think I've covered everything. It's definitely been a challenging time, really hoping the sleep situation starts shows some signs of improvement soon or I fear I may go mad!

Jx

  Follow Follow Pinterest

Rafe's 12 week immunisations and weighloss worries

My blog has been very much neglected recently. I am going to try and post more regularly but I make no guarantees of this actually happening. This past week has been testing to say the least. Firstly Richard's car died. Completely died, something wrong with the engine that would cost an absolute fortune to fix (RIP Vauxhall Insignia you piece of crap) so he is getting rid of it and now has his heart set on either a Mercedes, and Audi or a BMW. Great. And until he finds his dream car he is using mine to get to and from work. This wouldn't usually be a problem, we live a 20 minute walk from our local town and doctors surgery and I would usually walk rather than drive anyway, exercise fanatic (weirdo) that I am. But on Monday Rafe had his 12 week immunisations and the great British weather had been living up to it's awful reputation,and as much as I enjoy a good walk I don't enjoy it in a torrential downpoar.

Luckily Monday was the standard overcast day and not raining. After the usual morning battle to get myself and my baby in a presentable state to face the world (cursing myself for booking a 9:30am appointment) we made it to the doctors surgery on time and looking fairly smart...Rafe not me. 
Now at Rafe's last injections (when I was driven and had Richard by my side throughout) he was an angel. So brave, no fuss, few tears when the needle went in but that was it. Typically this time when I was by myself he screamed the place down from the moment we entered the surgery. It was like he knew what was coming. Everyone in the waiting room was eyeballing me and my apparently uncontrollable baby (they probably weren't but that's what it felt like). So I went and hid in the baby changing room until our appointment time.
A little off topic here but does anybody else find it so incredibly annoying that despite every doctor, midwife, health visitor, the government EVERYBODY advising that breastfeeding is best for you baby there is never anywhere private to actually whip your boob out and do it? There wasn't even a plastic chair in this baby changing room, I had to put the lid of the toilet down and sit on there and try and feed my hysterical baby.

Anyway he had the 5 in 1 jab again and the Rotavirus liquid to drink (cried the entire time) and we escaped with me on the verge of a mental breakdown. The minute we started walking home he fell fast asleep in his pram.
Now I hate it when Rafe has jabs because last time the aftermath was horrendous and this time was no better. I let him sleep when we got home, when he eventually woke up he was super grouchy and completely off of his food. He had a dodgy stomach all day which is a common side effect of the rotavirus vaccine and I could tell he wasn't feeling well. He did not have a temperature with these jabs, but he would not settle or nap for the rest of the day and I gave him a dose of calpol in the evening to try and calm him down and thankfully he did then have a good feed and go to sleep. We had a good night, he didn't wake up any more than usual but then Tuesday was AWFUL. 
He woke his usual time between 7-8am and fed normally, he seemed okay in the early morning but I noticed the injection site was quite red and had formed a hard lump. He refused to take a nap the entire day and he just seemed to get more and more distressed, he was massively clingy and just screamed every time I tried to put him down. He wouldn't feed properly either and I think the combination of feeling ill from the jabs and being overtired resulted in a very testing day. I bathed him earlier than usual to try and calm him a bit. Sure enough he was back to happy Rafe splashing in the tub but then he started screaming again as soon as I took him out and got him ready for bed. I gave him another dose of calpol and he had a medium sized feed and fell asleep at 7pm woke at 10pm and fed again then slept through until 4:30am.

Wednesday was a bit better, he at least had a nap but his appetite was still massively reduced from what's normal for him and I decided to go and get him weighed and the doctors surgery on Thursday morning. His length and head circumference are all fine and on track but he has dropped a whole percentile on the weight chart. I was so unhappy, I am still exclusively breastfeeding so I feel like his weight is entirely my responsibility and we had been doing so well. The health visior that weighed him advised that it's not a drastic drop and to come back in a week or so just to check things are back on track. I decided to start pumping to keep my supplies up whilst he isn't eating as much and to check I am producing enough for him. Well I got 125ml in under half an hour so I know it's not a lack of milk causing the problems, it's his lack of appetite. The rest of Thursday he ate fairly well and today (Friday) he seems back to normal eating-wise, although still very hard to settle.

All in all it's been a horrible week. I am by no means anti-vaccinations but I am considering post-poning his next lot and having them in six weeks time rather than four weeks time. Especially as he has the Men B one again in the next lot. It has definitely taken a good 72 hours to recover from them and he still isn't 100% himself. I don't want to scare anybody who's baby is about to have their jabs, every child reacts differently and some are completely fine. I would however avoid making any plans a couple of days after them just in case. 

Jx Follow Follow Pinterest

Miscarriage?

When I found out I was pregnant all I felt was excitement (and a bit nauseous) It was planned, we had just bought out first home and everything seemed to be falling into place with my life plan. Yes I had sort of put a time schedule on my life and when I wanted to have certain things done by. Control freak I know. 
Fast forward 5 weeks into the pregnancy and I started bleeding. It happened when I was at work, on a Friday, I suddently felt really hot and faint and dizzy and I was having sharp pains. I knew that something wasn't right and sure enough when I went to the bathroom I was bleeding. I straight away though that was it, I had lost the baby. It's strange at five weeks everything is so tiny, but for me as soon as I found out I was pregnant, especially as it was planned, I immediately felt like a mum and had started imagining what the baby would be like and how our lives were going to change. It hadn't even occured to me that I would lose it.
Richard picked me up from work and we went to the doctors that afternoon. The bleeding had slowed down by then but I still felt crampy and uncomfortable. The doctor told me that all they could do was see what happened over the weekend and whether I had more bleeding or not. Apparently I couldn't have a scan until six weeks as they probably wouldn't be able to detect a heartbeat until then anyway. He booked me in for blood tests on the Monday and the Wednesday of the next week, apparently if you are pregnant then the pregnancy hormone doubles every 48 hours in the early stages so this would show whether everything was developing as it should.
The bleeding was very light all weekend. I just found myself sitting on the sofa trauling the internet for cases where bleeding hasn't resulted in miscarriage and symptoms of miscarriage. It was horrible, but reading other poor womens accounts of their experiences, on sites like netmums, made me think that I hadn't lost enough blood to have had a full miscarriage and maybe there was still some hope.
I called the early pregnancy unit at my local maternity hospital on Monday for a second opinion and they told me that I needed to have a scan as that was the only way to know for sure what was going on. I then rang my doctor, as they were the only ones who could authorise me having this scan, and he booked one for the Friday and told me in the meantime to go for the bloodtests which I did.

That week was the longest week of my life. Waiting in limbo not knowing whether you are pregnant or not was awful. Every twinge would make me think that was it and it was all over, but I still 'felt' pregnant and Richard said that he had a feeling I still was for some reason which gave me hope.
On Thursday I called the doctors surgery to see if they had the results from the blood tests and they informed me a doctor would have to call me back. When I eventually received the call I was informed (by a rather insensitive male doctor) that my hormone levels had actually decreased in the 48 hours and therefore I did not have a 'viable pregnancy' as he put it. So basically I had lost the baby. He advised me to still attend the scan the following day as I had not lost enough blood for everything to have gone (sorry tmi) and I may have had to have a procedure called dilation and curettage (or D&C) whereby you have to have you cervix dilated and the remaining contents of your uterus from the pregnancy scraped out if your body does not expel it by itself. 

That evening I cried...a lot. And I had a large glass of wine. Richard was very supportive and arranged with work to have the morning off to attend the scan with me. It had to be an Transvaginal scan as it was too early to be able to see anything from an external ultrasound so I told Richard to stay in the waiting room because we weren't actually expecting it to be an uplifting experience, they were only going to tell me what I had already heard the day before. The women that did my scan were lovely, I was just silent through the whole thing, I just felt numb like I wasn't really there and it wasn't actually happening to me. I just stared straight ahead as the image of my uterus etc came up on the little screen until the ultrasound woman told me to take a look. Was she crazy? I wasn't interested in having some anatomy lesson on miscarriage I just wanted everything gone so I could move on, recover and eventually try again. But I did as she instructed. "You see that flickering there?" she asked, I nodded, "Well that's your babies heartbeat." she said. I instantly burst into tears. I was so happy but also so worried and ashamed of myself for having a glass of wine the night before.
This little picture doesn't look like anything but to me it meant so much.

We came out of the scan room where Richard was waiting and he was just as shocked as me. They then explained that we should never have been told that I didn't have a viable pregnancy. Apparently blood tests at the stage of pregnancy I was at are not reliable to tell whether somebody has miscarried or not as once the pregnancy hormone reaches a certain level and peaks it will naturally start to reduce. 
I have to admit I was angry that I doctor was not knowledgable enough to know this, but I was so grateful that everything looked healthy and normal that I didn't see any point in taking this further. I do wonder now whether I should have.

Fast forward to now and Rafe is 11 weeks and 3 days and my healthy baby boy is currently asleep in his swing. I had a completely normal pregnancy with no other complications after that.
I wanted to write this post for anybody who has or is going through the same thing. Persevere and ask for a scan even if you are not offered one, if I hadn't asked for one it probably wouldn't have been arranged so soon. Also bleeding doesn't always result in miscarriage. One of my close friends had heavy bleeding multiple times at the start of her pregnancy but everything was okay and she now has a healthy baby boy two weeks older that Rafe.

Jx   
                Follow Follow Pinterest